MBD Articles

Reaction to State of the Union Address

All of America tuned in Tuesday Night for the televison event to witness the event that would influence our clture for the next several months, if not the entire year: American Idol tryouts. I tuned in just enough to catch a postiviely disturbing rendition of Like a Virgin from some guy in Atlanta. There are no words for this.

It also turns out that the President was giving his State of the Union address. Personally, I can not listen to anything by Dubya and not picture Will Ferrell impersonating him on SNL. (Whoever came up with that piece where they had him playing with a ball of yarn deserves some kind of award.) If you are like me, you hunkered down in from of the tube, tried to listen for a couple minutes, then saw that Happy Gilmore was on the USA Network and immediatley switched over to catch it for the 43rd time. Luckily for us, they make transcripts of these speeches so we can go through them at our leisure and not miss the Bob Barker fight scene. Of course I only made it through a couple pages.

I did see about the first two minutes and even that was long enough to catch Dubya's master speech reading skills. He waited all of ten words before committing his first error. The speech that was written said, "Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, distinguished guests, fellow citizens:". What he said was, "Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, distinguished citizens, fellow citizens:" Distinguished citizens and fellow citizens? Huh? I can only assume I am not a distinguished citizen. I think those are the people on the Surreal Life and Celebrity Mole. Just glad to know where I stand now.

Speaking of standing, remember to randomly stand and applaud while reading further. It's good for the country apparently. I tried to adopt this behavior at the work place and was quickly escorted out of the building. Commie pinkos.

I like that you can clearly see the President's stamp all over the speech itself. Even if the final words may not be his, he was the brain child behind it. For example:

Writers interpretation: "We will not deny, we will not ignore, we will not pass along our problems to other Congresses, other presidents and other generations."
Dubya said in the staff writers meeting: "No Tagsies - No backsies"

STIMULATING THE ECONOMY - (He's for it)

"To boost investor confidence and to help the nearly 10 million seniors who receive dividend income, I ask you to end the unfair double taxation of dividends" and "We must renew that commitment by giving seniors access to ... new drugs..."

Underage drinking, now that's the real way to jump start an economy. Most Seniors already have off campus lunch privileges, which pumps a lot of money back into the economy through Taco Bell and McDonalds purchases. This will just improve their contributions. The Junior & Sophomore high school chics love Stoli Raspberry and with a little extra cash now, the Seniors can ply them with vodka instead of Pabst Blue Ribbon. This increases teen pregnancy which in turn creates more taxpayers. Brilliant!

And why is he picking on Enron? Sure most people lost millions of dollars, but think of those twelve ladies who never would have got to be in Playboy unless that scandal happens. Sometimes the many have to be sacrificed for the greater good of those with nice racks. I think Dubya needs to rethink this one.

SADDAM HUSSEIN - (He's against him)

We could just drop thousands of DVDs of South Park : The Movie to educate Iraqi's on what we think of him in case we have been unclear.

HEALTH CARE - (he's for it)

This is a doubled edged sword.Keep people around longer and all they do is suck more money out of social security. Maybe we should establish a show like "Climbing for Medicaid!", where the more spritely seniors compete in a series of physical challenges to see who gets best coverage. That way we get the people who drain less out of the economy because they just won "Climbing for Medicaid!" and that's no small feat.

HYDROGEN CARS - (he's for them)

Look at all the fun things gas has given us. The Exxon Valdez, that tragic gasoline fight scene from Zoolander, and the plot for the Pelican Brief. What has hydrogen ever done for us?

RANDOM THOUGHTS

When he said this - "...We reorganized our government and created the Department of Homeland Security." you know two ugly drunk guys at the local dive bar high fived each other thinking he said "Homely Security".

"Tonight I ask the House and Senate to join me in the next bold steps to serve our fellow citizens."
I can only imagine the even bolder steps those damn distinguised citizens will get.

"Instead of gradually reducing the marriage penalty"
Isnt the term "marriage penalty" redundant?

"You, the Congress, have already passed all these reductions and promised them for future years. If this tax relief is good for Americans three or five or seven years from now, it is even better for Americans today."
The ole "Well, you won't give it up til your married. I say I am going to be the one to marry you, so why don't you give it up now?" speech. Cuba Gooding Jr used this thought process to successfully de-pants his grilfriend in Boyz In The Hood. Good to see Dubya doesn't snub the inner city films.

"Our founders dedicated this country to the cause of human dignity - the rights of every person and the possibilities of every life"
I think they just didn't want to pay taxes anymore, but that's just me.