MBD Articles
Day 1 of Sabbatical
Knowing you have a sabbatical and starting it off properly are two different things. Well they are if you don't have a friend named DJ Caruso (DJC). DJC had the foresight to be born on July 1st. What does that mean in the grand scheme of things? It means a trip to Hooters. Not only do you get to celebrate the beginning of your sabbatical, you get to do so under the guise of celebrating DJC's 31st birthday. So , off to Hooters we go. (This all occurred on June 30th which is technically pre-sabbatical, but for these purposes we are parlaying into first night of sabbatical).
Now a night at Hooter's may sound a bit trivial, but it is in fact a bonding experience which no man can willing fully pass up. Case in point: Ruairi Sweeney (Ru). Ru plays indoor soccer with us but had a bit of a 55 gallon frozen drum of water being dropped on his foot incident back in January / February. This made him a bit incommunicado for a while. Guess who shows up for this event. THat's right, Ru.
This is why I love being a guy. (If you are a girl, you might want to read this next part.) Most of my friends are from high school. We don't see each other for a year or two, but we pick up right where we left off. I don't know any girls (maybe IU should use women now that I'm 30) who have more than one friend from high school that they talk to. Seriously. This usually stems from a bad boyfriend stealing incident where year's of friendship are tossed out the window because of a moment of stupidity / hormonal overload. I wouldn't be able to talk to any of my college or high school friends if I had to hold them to that standard. (This means you ,Jay and Smitty). Weird shit happens when hooking up is involved. Deal with it. To sum it up, my wife thinks it's weird that I am still friends with all my high school / college friends. I think it's absurd that she is not.
Ok, off the soap box now and back to Hooters. My brother in law came in a day late and asked if we had the ugly waitress, my friend TJ said, "Yes, how did you know?" Chris said "Because I've been there." Classic. Just cause we go to Hooters doesn't mean we are happy about it. Especially if it is the Hooters in Nashua. It is the one Hooter's location in America where I feel like if I strapped on a pair of shear nylons, some orange shorts, and cut a nerf football in half and shoved it in my shirt, I might be the best looking waitress there. Hand to God.
Hooter's still leads to some fun topics. Tim is my brother in law and a member of the fantasy football league with all my high school friends that we started 2 years ago. There is nothing funnier than saying "California Corvoisier, this is Liquor in the Front, Poker in the Rear, that's Lords of the Dance, and this is the Tito Jackson Experience". Once that bond is established, there will be no tearing it asunder. The bond of fantasy football is tighter than the bonds of matrimony. Just ask my friend Ed. (No offense Ed, just keeping it real).
I learned a lot about people tonight. Especially this: If two guys have a left a Hooter's gathering to go home to their wives (and children) , nothing will cause them to U-turn faster then a woman promising go to strip club if they come back. Those guys? My friends Rich and TJC (not to be confused with DJC). That woman? My wife (PBH). The only thing more intriguing then naked women dancing for money is women they know watching women dance for money. TJC was kind enough to buy PBH a lap dance once we arrived at Matthew's, a Gentlemen's Club in Tyngsboro, MA. PBH made the following observation, "They really make eye contact with you. They kind of make you feel special". I love her.
The awkward part of the evening wasn't even having PBH at the strip club with us. It was deciding whether or not my friends had lied to their wives about going to said gentlemen's club. Well, my guess is DJ didn't lie about it since he wrapped up the Matthews t-shirt he received as a gift and gave it to his wife as an anniversary present. For the rest of you: Guess what? The cat's out of the bag.
As a side note, if you live in the greater Boston area and are thinking of going to Matthew's, save your cash. They have the fair catch halo in effect. Nothing within in 3 yards of them is legal, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. (Especially those of you who have been to Canada. Wink. Wink.)
So, after a couple hours there, we ventured home. After I got my car out of 4 wheel drive (courtesy of Rich and TJ thinking they are funny , and to be honest , that actually was) we arrived at the gated community of Sky Meadow and called it an evening.
A solid first day of sabbatical. More to follow.
