MBD Articles

Night 17

The Amazing Race: This is a show where teams race around the world from country to country , doing tasks in order to figure out the next destination. Slowest team to next spot gets eliminated. Winner gets 500 grand. You need to catch this show if for no other reason than to watch American's yell at foreigh cabbies to drive faster because they are trying to win a race. I have yet to see this tactic work, but I know I am going to try it from now on. "Sir, please disobey all your laws and risk your job because we need to beat Millie and Chuck to the next checkpoint!"

Sox are down 4-0 to Toronto. The third base coach for the Sox looks a little like Jon Voigt. I keep waiting for Costanza to be spotted in the crowd talking up some lady. "You know, I happen to own his 89 Lebaron."

And we are back to Amazing Race. The teams are described like "Jeff and Dave - Best Friends". I would like to meet Millie and Chuck in a business situation , just to see if their cards have "Been Dating 12 Years | Virgins" on them. I really hope so. I am trying to convinvce PBH to go on this show with me so we can act completely inappropriate on national television and horrify the nation. "You mother f@#$ing crack whore, I told you that the quickest way to Kuala Lumpur was through Singapore. Damn you woman!"

I think I just heard one guy yell "Vamos!". By the way, they are in Malaysia right now.

ABC is countering with "The Disco Ball", where we are treated to crowd scenes of middle aged, overweight, white folks trying to relive their glory days of the 70's. They wanna dance but aren't brave enough to really bust out like they used to when they were all high on coke and booze.

And now the virgins are fighting because Chuck can't shoot a bow and arrow very well. Sexual innuendos of that one are endless. And the homosexual guy just passed the blow gun task. (Write your own joke for that one, cause I ain't going to sensitivity training again). Now Chuck is having trouble with his spear! A virgin having problems with his spear. Comedy gold right there. Commercial time.

And we are back to the Disco Ball. There is nothing more sensitive than a boy band sitting on steps singing Bee Gee's songs. Or at least I think they are supposed to be. Why? I have no idea, and I have been drinking for a while now. I should be eating that crap up. I can't tell who this band is though. Looks like ABC couldnt even afford O Town. Wow. That hurts.

It turns out that no team on Amazing Race gets eliminated this week. That means one more week of the dysfunctional engaged couple. God bless America!

And the Disco Ball is back. Some woman in a Moo Moo is singing "It's Raining Men" with Whoopi Goldberg. It's like Joe C. and Kid Rock all over again, minus the talent. I think this lady ate Aretha Franklin. She's huge. Roller skaters with afros! This could be my new favorite show of all time. Total Eclipse of the Heart lady is on. Sorry, but that band from the wedding scene of Old School owns that song now. You had your turn with it. The 20 year old dancer in the silver shirt groping her is priceless though. Get that guy some Armor All, we can't have him chaffing halfway through the show. How did Whoopi get the time off Hollywood Squares to do this show? I heard Bergeron ran a tight ship. Cross dressers doing the cat walk to Dancing Queen, a more original piece of entertainment has never been thought up. ABC is truly groundbreaking. And now the Latin singer from those Pepsi commercials is singing "Hot Stuff". I wonder if this is the B-side of her Pepsi cassingle. Apparently "Make the song your own" translates to "Butcher it" in her language.

That's all I can handle. Until later....