MBD Articles

Matthew Sawyer, Vice President Director of Youth Relations, Turns One Today

May 5, 2004 - Fairfield , CT - Matthew "Mini3" Sawyer turned the ripe old age of one today, thus moving one step closer to losing his job.

"It is not with pleasure that I am putting him on notice, but if he keeps aging like this, well, we are going to have to look elsewhere. We can't have an aging VPD of Y.R., it just doesnt make good business sense.," announced CEO Mark Sawyer. "We realize his being somewhat ambulatory will help get the word out around the playground a little easier, but we feel we may lose some credibilty with our sponsors in the long run."

Upon hearing the news, Matthew, in a desperation attempt to prove his youthfulness, promptly pooped his pants. In a show of solidarity for his fellow Board member, DJ Caruso did the same after enjoying his thirteenth "Corona y Taco Cinco de Mayo Combo Platter" at La Hacienda.