MBD Articles
THe Preggo Awards
It's the first, and quite possibly last, Preggo Awards! It was an interesting nine months as we awaited Mini-me's arrival. Here are the highlights and lowlights as broken down by our panel of celebrity judges...or just by me.
Best Email Received
Leah Yerre (formerly Johnson to all you A-B alumni) chimed in with this beauty.
"That is fantastic news - Congratulations! You guys must be so excited. I guess that's why you needed a bigger house.
By the way, Bartolo is on my fantasy team as well - I feel your pain"
Leah earned huge bonus points by realizing that while an impending birth is important, current fantasy problems should always be addressed and sympathized with as well. Well done, Leah.
Best Card Received - Postal Mail
Luke Waid (noticed how I left you out of it, Kim). The outside had some stuff about a new arrival, blah blah blah. Hand written on the inside was simply "
OH SHIT!!!!
". Simple, to the point, and quite frankly probably what everyone who heard this news was thinking.
Best Perk
This was a tie.
- Handicap Parking. Wow. Talk about coming up big in one of the worst winters in Boston history. At our work complex, if you are knocked up, you can get a handicap parking pass once you reach 7 months pregnant. People in the south probably don't value this one as much, but you just can't put a price tag on being able to park in the covered garage at work when it's snowing a foot every week. I weeped when February ended and the pass expired.
- Food. Thirty two years of laziness is apparently no match for overwhelming hunger. Jenn cooked more in four months than she has in the previous 11 years combined. I actually gained two pounds. She gained a little more. (Fear of her beating me senseless prohibits me from revealing that number though).
Weirdest Phenomenon
If you are struggling with a pregnancy or have struggled with a pregnancy in the past, please stop reading this. Ok, now that they are gone, here it is: Jenn had never been healthier. It was freakish. Besides having to pee more frequently than Kevin McAdams, she felt great, to the point it was actually kind of annoying. Nothing quite like trying to talk an 8 month pregnant lady out of lifting up the sofa bed couch because she saw a cat toy underneath it and felt like getting it. It's like trying to talk down a jumper. You have to pick your words very carefully because you don't want to insult her, but you also don't want her to go through with it.
Best insult
I called my sister in law one day after a brutal NY Jets loss. When she answered, I chanted "J-E-T-S, Jets Jets Jets!" and she countered with, "I hope you have a baby girl and she has cholic!". This was particularly harsh because if I had a girl, there is always a chance I would have ended up being the father in law of my old college roommate, Jay.
Biggest Tradition With No Real Guidelines to Follow
The dumping off of maternity clothes. This goes out to every one of my friend's wives who had kids. As soon as they hear your wife is pregnant, the clothes come out of their attics and end up in your house. Even if it's summer clothing and you are due in February, you'll get it. Eventually the pregnancy ends. The problem with this is there is no known protocol on how to handle the return of maternity clothes. The giver of the clothes thinks they are now your responsibility and generally does not want them back. If you are Jenn, you think you are allowed to return them because you don't want to store them at your house anymore. The correct call? No one knows. With Martha Stewart in jail during this time, we had nowhere to turn for answers. My solution? A surprise drive by unloading of maternity clothes at all my friend's houses, because an angry friend's wife is better than an angry your wife.
